Pointless Celebrities

Oh Kerry, back in the early days of Atomic Kitten you were lovely. Haven’t things have went horribly wrong since then.

There was a stage when I couldn’t pick up any of my wife’s magazines (I don’t make a habit of this by the way) without Ms Katona in it under one (or more) of the following headlines:

Kerry Katona’s Startling Weight Loss Program
Kerry Katona’s Startling Weight Gain
Kerry Walks Out On Mark Croft
Kerry and Mark Croft Renew Their Wedding Vows and Plan More Kids
Kerry Admits Suffering From (insert any random “condition” you can think of to explain her increasingly bizarre behaviour)

Now back in 2002 and 2005 she won “Celebrity Mother of the Year” and I believe she has been shortlisted since then. However to put this into perspective here are some other winners

Celebrity bike Katie Price
Celebrity shagger Ulrika Jonsson
Plastic nutcase Sharon Osbourne
Horse faced half-wit Stacey Solomon
Ex-Hear’Say celebrity cougar and talentless actress Kym Marsh

One thing that really gets my goat is these celebrities that loose a load of weight, jump on the “fitness DVD” bandwagon and then bloat back up and beyond their original fat size. Kerry Katona is the epitome of this but like many other fatties blames various medical “conditions” and everyone else except her. Stop shovelling those curries and takeaways in yer gob love.

Now Kerry’s choice of men is legendary – gents if you are a lying, cheating, dishonest, drug taking, mentally disturbed, woman beating, all round scum bag then you’ve a great chance of hooking up with her. Why she’ll pump a few more kids out for you at the drop of a hat.

Her list of appearances on celebrity shows, and worse still MTV reality shows, is huge but can anyone name more than two or three? No me neither – kinda says it all.

Still I always like to look at Kerry’s positives so here goes:

She never hooked up with uber-plank Peter Andre.
She used to be a lap dancer

And that’s about it folks.

Surely this gormless, plastic idiot has got to be in the Premier League of pointless celebrities. Why? well IMHO here’s why:

“Plastic Pete” is so fake – when was the last time you EVER saw him in a natural, unposed photo?
He has given most of his kids stupid names (Princess Tiaamii Crystal Esther Andre, Junior Savva Andreas Andre), although in his defence that other half-wit Katie Price probably had a lot to do with this.
He’s running round with a girl 17 years his junior. FFS she was still in nappies when he was at the height of his “musical” fame.
It infuriates me how he constantly moans on about “how much he loves his kids” and “how he only cares about the kids”. It is no different to other parents and loving your children does NOT make you a saint.
Other than take his top off and try to sell us Iceland products, what does he actually do?

Now my missus throws a wobbly when I dare criticise this greasy cretin but that’s maybe because she wishes I looked like him or more likely had his money.

In the interest of fairness though I’m going to cut PA a bit of slack:

He was married to that train crash Katie Price. Even I feel a bit of sympathy for him.
He’s quite happy to take the piss out of himself as demonstrated many times on Keith Lemon’s Celebrity Juice. Well done as there are too many “celebrities” that take themselves too seriously.