Author: Al God

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Bridge IS a card game and NOT a sport

Oh FFS.  In an earlier post I had a rant and what is and isn’t a sport and also what bids are proposed to be part of the Olympics.

Now we’ve a bunch of numb-skulls who are trying to have Bridge, yes the CARD GAME, categorised as a sport – WTF!!!!

A quick glance at the people in the BBC link regarding this kinda says it all.  A walk to the toilets without their zimmer frames would put these coffin dodgers at risk.  Apparently there is an organisation known as Sport England which decides what is and isn’t defined as a sport.  Here are a few examples of those that ARE classified as sports:

  • Lifesaving
  • Angling
  • Model aircraft flying
  • Quoits
  • Rambling

Words don’t normally fail me – today they do

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Kerry Katona

Oh Kerry, back in the early days of Atomic Kitten you were lovely.  Haven’t things have went horribly wrong since then.

There was a stage when I couldn’t pick up any of my wife’s magazines (I don’t make a habit of this by the way) without Ms Katona in it under one (or more) of the following headlines:

  • Kerry Katona’s Startling Weight Loss Program
  • Kerry Katona’s Startling Weight Gain
  • Kerry Walks Out On Mark Croft
  • Kerry and Mark Croft Renew Their Wedding Vows and Plan More Kids
  • Kerry Admits Suffering From (insert any random “condition” you can think of to explain her increasingly bizarre behaviour)

Now back in 2002 and 2005 she won “Celebrity Mother of the Year” and I believe she has been shortlisted since then.  However to put this into perspective here are some other winners

  • Celebrity bike Katie Price
  • Celebrity shagger Ulrika Jonsson
  • Plastic nutcase Sharon Osbourne
  • Horse faced half-wit Stacey Solomon
  • Ex-Hear’Say celebrity cougar and talentless actress Kym Marsh

One thing that really gets my goat is these celebrities that loose a load of weight, jump on the “fitness DVD” bandwagon and then bloat back up and beyond their original fat size.  Kerry Katona is the epitome of this but like many other fatties blames various medical “conditions” and everyone else except her.  Stop shovelling those curries and takeaways in yer gob love.

Now Kerry’s choice of men is legendary – gents if you are a lying, cheating, dishonest, drug taking, mentally disturbed, woman beating, all round scum bag then you’ve a great chance of hooking up with her. Why she’ll pump a few more kids out for you at the drop of a hat.

Her list of appearances on celebrity shows, and worse still MTV reality shows, is huge but can anyone name more than two or three? No me neither – kinda says it all.

Still I always like to look at Kerry’s positives so here goes:

  • She never hooked up with uber-plank Peter Andre.
  • She used to be a lap dancer

And that’s about it folks.

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Peter Andre

Surely this gormless, plastic idiot has got to be in the Premier League of pointless celebrities.  Why? well IMHO here’s why:

  • “Plastic Pete” is so fake – when was the last time you EVER saw him in a natural, unposed photo?
  • He has given most of his kids stupid names (Princess Tiaamii Crystal Esther Andre, Junior Savva Andreas Andre), although in his defence that other half-wit Katie Price probably had a lot to do with this.
  • He’s running round with a girl 17 years his junior.  FFS she was still in nappies when he was at the height of his “musical” fame.
  • It infuriates me how he constantly moans on about “how much he loves his kids” and “how he only cares about the kids”.  It is no different to other parents and loving your children does NOT make you a saint.
  • Other than take his top off and try to sell us Iceland products, what does he actually do?

Now my missus throws a wobbly when I dare criticise this greasy cretin but that’s maybe because she wishes I looked like him or more likely had his money.

In the interest of fairness though I’m going to cut PA a bit of slack:

  • He was married to that train crash Katie Price.  Even I feel a bit of sympathy for him.
  • He’s quite happy to take the piss out of himself as demonstrated many times on Keith Lemon’s Celebrity Juice. Well done as there are too many “celebrities” that take themselves too seriously.
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People Who Smoke

To be honest I don’t really have a massive problem with people who smoke however it is a habit I certainly don’t condone (unfortunately my wife and eldest son are slaves to the demon weed).  I’ve never tried a cigarette and glad I didn’t when I was a teenager – it seems to be this is around the time when most folks get hooked.

The laws introduced in the UK that banned smoking inside pubs, bars, restaurants, enclosed work places and other public buildings were a god send to us non-smokers. In Ireland there was a lot of talk from pub owners about huge drops in trade but I very much doubt that was the case.

Recently there was a lot of talk over the subject of plain packaging on cigarettes and the issue of how much smokers cost the NHS raised it head a number of times.  As always there are two sides to every story but what seemed clear was the tax raised on the sale of cigarettes was significantly more than what it costs the NHS to treat smokers and smoking related illnesses.

I’m not sure what the truth is but this is an interesting article on the BBC website regarding smoking and the cost to the NHS.

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“Larger” People on Flights

Now before all you “size acceptance movement” types start berating me for “fatty bashing” I’m going to quash one of your arguments straight away:

Yes I AM also referring to people who are larger than normal, as an example members of any International Rugby Union front row or an American Football team linebacker.

However I’ve never had the dubious honour to be crushed in my budget airline seat by aforementioned athletes but I have on too many occasions had to share my personal space with lardy arses.

Now I’m no Alberto Contador but then again I ain’t no food shovelling, salad dodging, exercise shy, chubster who seems to think everyone and everything except themselves are to blame for their over-ample girth.

I’ve paid for my seat, as you have for yours, but why should I be okay with you spilling into my space?  Seriously, passengers pay for excess baggage so why not for excess body size? How would this be gauged?  Well why not stick passengers on a set of scales or have a frame, just like they currently do for hand baggage, and if you can’t fit in it then you pay for an extra seat.

Does this apply to everyone – OF COURSE IT DOES.  Whether you’re a big sportsman (or sportswoman) then it should – if you don’t fit in the seat then you’re encroaching on your fellow passengers space.  These budget airline seats are small enough as they are and there are numerous articles on the net that cover the importance of personal space.

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Cheap Flights and the Consequences

Now there is no doubt the advent of low cost airlines has been great in bringing air travel to those on lower incomes but there are of course several downsides to this

The Jeremy Kyle Types Now Travel

We’ve all been on one of those flights (in my case usually to Alicante) which contains the sort of folks that would struggle to meet the IQ levels required to make it on JK’s daily shows.  Whilst waiting to board these flights it’s dead easy to identify the “Benidorm Crowd” – here’s the giveaways:

  • Loud – REALLY, REALLY LOUD.
  • Tattoos –  loads of them all over their bodies, and that’s just the women.
  • Drunk – very drunk and quite often on the first flight out of the day.
  • Uber fat – oops, I mean “big boned” (or whatever excuse lard arses use these days).

So if you didn’t identify them before boarding here’s the clues post take off:

  • Within 5 seconds of the seatbelts signs being switched off there are 20 of them queuing for the toilets.
  • They clap and cheer when the plane lands – now this REALLY gets on my tits.
  • They are even more loud and more pissed than when they got on
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Snooker bids to be included in 2020 Olympics in Tokyo

You have really got to me kidding me.  Snooker as an Olympic Sport – catch a grip folks!

 

Much as I like snooker it is a GAME not a sport.  There are many debates as to the differences between a sport and a game and whilst some statements might seem contradictory I think this onesums it up best

Sport is based on physical energy and game based on mental strength.

I know “Rocket” Ronnie O’Sullivan runs marathons (so he’s gotta be fairly fit) but there isn’t much need for that around the baize. In fact in the 2015 Masters semi-final against Neil Robertson he spent most of his time on his arse in a chair!

Having said that it is a chance for a medal for Great Britain since the only other countries that have a look in are:

  • China (Din Junhui)
  • Australia (Neil Robertson)

Maybe we should consider darts and pool too!